27/1/20 ^^^What do I really want?

I don't quite understand this situation that I am in.  It is a major paradox.

Given the choice I just want to remain who I am.  I am extremely happy with the way things is.  I just spend my time blogging while looking at my watches.  That's it. That is the highlight of my life.

Then on the other hand we have HOTS and the Flight Path.  I certainly am not hot about HOTS and the Flight Path is not my calling.

I am just the person who delivers the message.

This is when it is a paradox.  Why do I have to be involved with the things that are not making me any happier?  I have it all here in the 12 meters square and the 10 km radius.

I already got Sparta 4964.  Even that I abdicated to Jibrail.

What is my real purpose then?  Do I want to remain autonomous or do I meddle with External Affairs?

I have a choice, right Sarah?  Today at this very moment I can choose to let go of everything and remain microscopic.  In this case I only become the God to my Universe Within.

If I want to be free then I have to let go of everything.  That is the only way I can be free from being free.  I have to be a Nothing.  That is the answer to my dilemma.

Fuck everybody and everything.  That is how I become microscopic.

Alright...  I shall keep my world small.  KEEP IT SIMPLE AND SMALL.

I had waited 20 years for this moment.  Definitely I'm going to grab it.

As I told you, I only want to be healthy and happy

Brenda disagree with me.  She said I need the money.  I said, I don't need the money.  She insisted that I need the money because it is my nature to Do Good and Do No Harm.

I don't know Sarah.  Certainly I can do with more money but that is not my motivation right now.  For example Princess gave me RM300 recently.  I ended saving RM200 and only set aside RM100 for my monthly allowance.  You know what I did?  I had 2 tea breaks today.  Totally unnecessary.

I have to decide tonight and I decided that I don't want to have anything to do with HOTS and the Flight Path.  I want to remain who I am right now.

For the rest of my life I will continue writing the blog while enjoying wearing my watches.  That's all to it.  At the same time I listen to 247 Continuous.

OK Sarah, time to sleep.

This is your lullaby:

Goodnight baby, I love you so much.

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