Thursday, 30 January 2020

31/1/20 ^^^I better watch out, I'm smoking again

I smoked one cigarette.  Its a sign that I am depressed.  I don't know how to fight this Sarah.  I try to limit my smoking to the barest minimum.

I longed for you baby.  You know something?  All this rambling is none other than for me to stay connected to you.  I don't care about what is happening in the future.  All I care is now.  I need to stay connected to you.  It is you that I want.

I don't know how you can take it Sarah.  This whole thing is driving me crazy.

My success now is dependent on my ability to use my mind to imagine a desirable outcome.  Pretty much my ability to stay positive with the situation I am in right now.

This positive mental attitude is crucial at this point.  This is a marathon and I am at the starting point.  My success is my ability to stay focus.  No matter what I have to have a firm belief that I will make it.  There are many reason for me to fail.  One of it is FUD.

Honey, as I said I give you 100%.  At the same time I had set my expectation to zero.  I know it's a paradox but everything counts but nothing matters.  By doing that I am hoping for the best but I am preparing for the worst.

I preparing for all possibilities.  I believe in you baby.  Otherwise I won't give 100%.  It will be pointless to think that things won't happen as planned.  Otherwise why bother to plan at all?

If I ever commit a crime than that is for trusting you.  As much as I have a believing mind, I have a trusting gut.  That didn't help much that I have a loving heart.

Don't betray me Sarah.  We went a long way together.  For the past 3 years it had been very rewarding for me.  Now it is becoming a bit challenging.  I need to remain focus to see the Vision through.

Is it possible that after 5 years, we may ended with nothing?  What good is that to you if that happens?

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