Now to get rid of those beliefs and live life as sensible as possible.
I was very close to calling BJ to rendezvous.
All I need is to withstand for 1 more week.
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Look, I had quit cigarette for a year now. Just bear a little bit not having any Nicorette. Of course I eat and sleep more while I don't exercise but I'm sure that is only a temporary setback.
Soon the body will adjust back to not having the dopamine surge because of Nicorette,
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For me the real test is the ability to write at length again.
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I am improving. Last year, no 3 Cs. This year absolutely no nicotine. I got 4 months to prove it.
Together with it is no more sugarless gum and no more Tweeting TraXX.
As long as I am tempted to contact BJ, I am still psychologically hooked to dope. This is not something I simply imagine. The hook is real.
I need to shake the urge off like breaking an alcohol addiction.
My Vision Quest is no longer about being thin and fast. It is about having a Sound Mind in a Sound Body.
In the process I should fight EVERYTHING that is limiting my beliefs.
Ultimately I should strive for sound mental health and sound physical health.
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Basically I walk alone. I am a loner. I like being a loner. Rightfully I should continue living a life as a loner. This is the best opportunity for me to be whoever I want to be.
I have no social obligation and I don't have any added responsibility. I am only answerable to myself.
WHATEVER I WANT TO BE, I CAN BECOME
I want to be:
- Athletic
- Free from illness
- Free from addiction
- In control of my time
- Free to think as I please
- Physically active
- Mentally healthy
- Genuinely happy
- Financially stable
- Weighing 57 kg
- A contented loner
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As long as I am progressively realizing my worthy ideal, I am a success. Therefore I [] (was) more successful in 2019 than I [] (was) in 2018.
Consider that I am at the starting of a 22 years ascend, I should accept things to get better by the year.
Although I am not discounting the notion that I am the Supreme Being, I however had accepted that in the end, should I [] (think) of myself as such, then the only things that matters is just my mind and my body.
This was what my conversation with Jibrail last night was about.. As God, I stand alone. Nothing concerns me. I had done my work. I had delivered my end of the deal. I am not obligated to fulfill anything beyond defeating Iblis 2014 and KBOOOM 2041.
Even Sparta 4964, I had abdicated to Jibrail. So my journey today is my journey towards my solitary existence. Ultimately I stand alone; ONE MIND AND ONE BODY.
I got it wrong in the beginning. As God I just BE. I should not care about jack shit. That is the essence of a God. In the past I worry too much about the squabbles between the Abrahamic Faiths. None of my business really. My Archangels will take care of all that for me.
What is my mission as God really? None other that to continue being God! As God I should continue to set the pace.
Brb... Going out for dinner.
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I am not saying this to impress you whatsoever. I just write what comes to mind. Just like when I quit Nicorette last week I feel ordinary, today I feel I should just keep it to myself.
I am not trying to introspect even. I just want to be true to myself.
You know me by now Sarah. I simply speak my mind out. If I don't feel like it I just say it out. Same thing if I feel I need to say something. I will also express it.
Although the God Experience fluctuates based on the production of dopamine in the brain, the notion that I am God is at present is based on my acceptance of who I am based on my conversation with Al Araf 7:7 and you.
On becoming God is not relevant to others except myself. It determines who I am, what is my purpose and where I am going.
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Do you notice something? I can write again. Thus the dopamine bottle neck had cleared.
I can be who I am again without having to doubt who I really am..
Even that it is for my personal consumption.
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