4/1/20 ***Doing away with substance dependency

I had been on substance all my life that I don't know how to be substance free.

Still two predominant thoughts, meet BJ to smoke pot or go ahead and buy Nicorette.  Both thoughts are death wishes by part of the brain which is trying to avoid the death sentence of the nicotine receptors.

My brain is trying to protect the nicotine receptors from dying.  The same thing when I was trying to quit cigarettes.  MY OWN BRAIN was preventing me from quitting because it was self-preserving its own existence.

Certainly, this is the brain of an addict talking.  It is hooked to the dopamine surge.  It cannot accept a lesser dose of the substance.

I need to STARVE the nicotine receptors.  I need to teach the body not to depend on nicotine for the dopamine surge.

I need to condition the body to live with less dopamine or to produce the dopamine naturally.  As it is the dopamine antagonist is working against my favor.

I need to fight all these.  I need to fight the urge to eat sugary stuff, the need to chew Nicorette, the desire to smoke pot and the inclination to have a stick of cigarette.  There are signs that the body is DEMANDING for dopamine hit.

What is the least I can do?  None other than chew the sugarless gum.

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I can say that all these are just plays of the mind.  Or worse I just go along with the game.  Go and help myself with some banana fritters for example.  However, I chose to dig my heel a[s] (and) fight this whole damn thing the end.

I need to break the addiction like I am breaking a horse.  This had been going on for 40 years.  The whole year 2019 I quit cigarettes and dope, I am merely lacing it with Nicorette.  Deep down inside I am still a nicotine addict.  The only thing is the medium is different.

Now I am TOTALLY eliminating nicotine altogether.  I need this whole month to recondition my body to do away with nicotine.  When I switch cigarettes to Nicorette, I was still using nicotine to induce dopamine in my brain.  Now, it's total abstinence.  Not even by the use of carbs like banana fritters.

Allen Carr was right.  You cannot stop smoking by introducing another means to quit nicotine.  It doesn't remove the dependency but only change the medium.  So eventually we need to face the demon head on.

This is the real battle for me.

I gotta go...  Picking up Lizzie from the grocery...

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