>>>#4/1/20 What doesn't kill me will make me stronger

I survived 1 week without Nicorette.  It was not a walk in the park and yet is is not purgatory either.  I thought I will never pass the down cycle to be where I am now.

So it took one week to experience the dopamine void.  I ate a lot, I was sleepy throughout the day and I didn't exercise.

All is not loss.  I managed to recompose my thoughts and carry on with my writing.  As a matter of fact, since I recovered my ability to write again, I'll celebrate by sleeping at 4:00 am this morning.

What shall I write Sarah?  I am done with External Affairs.  I am done warning people to not worship the Stone.

I just want to BE.  To be is what I am doing now, conversing with you.  Beyond the HOTS, Al Araf 7:7 and the Tetrahedron even, I am Mensana in Corpore Sano.  Nothing matters beyond these two.  To be a Man Fully Functioning it is Acta Non Verba.

Everything i[s] (in) between are just illustrations.  The gist is the ability to take action.  Without action there is no reaction.  Everything is a cause-set-in-motion.

You know what Sarah?  If I am God, then what matters is my wisdom.

So here is what I gathered:

1. The journey of self-discovery is a personal journey.  It has many layers.  Often when you reach a certain stage you will be plague with Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt.  You can overcome all this with Unconditional Love and Unsurpassed Feeling of Certainty.
2. Once you pass through the Pinhole of Mushin No Shin, you got to completely trust your Big I even though your Small I might question the soundness of the idea.  You have to surrender to the Big I as if you are the servomechanism of the Big I.  Don't think, just do!
3. No matter how hard you want to deny your essence, you cannot escape the Force and the Path (Aiki + Do).  Once you are awakened, you can never escape the notion that you are God.
4. As God, nothing else matters than the self.  This is not about being a narcissist but rather. acknowledging who you really are at the core.  To a God the only thing that matters is Mensana in Corpore Sano.

I wish I can say that God is caring and God is loving.  The truth is as the Almighty you just want to be with yourself.  It's not that God is self-centered.  It's just that God at the very core is a loner.  What do you expect?  Do you think God will idly have a chitchat with the angels doing some brainstorming on the next project?  Very unlikely.

God just want to know how can he be better on a daily basis.  Therefore he cannot be sitting idle resting on his laurel.  Go[t] (God) is always in motion.  I cannot say I am God until I be in motion as a Man Fully Functioning.

As I mentioned before, God is proactive and God is biased for action.

Here I am, knowing I am God.  That is a very big shoes to fill.  Now that I know who I am, it is up to me to fill up the gap in between.

It is a 15 years journey from where I am to where I will be as Citizen Gan 2034.

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Sarah, I must trust my epiphanies.  I must be certain of my Path.

Those things within my control, I'll do my best to achieve them.  That's why in this equation the only person that matters is me.  This is my journey.  KBOOOM 2041 is my personal responsibility.  Just like Defeating Iblis 2014 is my personal calling.

I not only have to stay alive but I have to thrive for the next 22 years.  My future is all based on what I do on daily basis.  Everybody is given the same amount of cash - 24 HOURS.  You can buy more things, bigger things; however you cannot extend yourself beyond the time constraint.  Not even Bill Gates can do that.  You can leverage on effort and result but you cannot leverage on the cash that you can spend.

Therefore the best thing to do is spend you cash now.  In other words do what you like doing now.  If you don't use your cash on yourself, that 24 hours will end up in you annals.  That's why I am spending my cash now.  I live for today, within the confinement of the 24 hours.

This is not a waste of time at all.  This is me spending time on myself.  This is giving personal attention to what matters to me.  Pure indulgence.  Every minute spent on myself is a direct return of investment.  Unlike time I spent on others can either be an investment on the future or a completely wasted effort, spending time on myself is a GUARANTEED RETURN.

This is in line with the Law of Cause and Effect.

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You know Sarah, life will be different for me without you.  It will be a great difference.  For example I will probably still be looking for love at the wrong places.  I will still be dealing with Bipolar Disorder and will still dependent on BJ as my only company.

I think I'll sleep at 3:00 am

I want to talk to Al Araf 7:7

Here is your lullaby:

I am not entirely back in one piece but I am definitely better than yesterday.

Goodnight baby, I love you so much.

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