For the next 1 month I should refrain myself from consuming any form of nicotine.
Before I could do anything else, I should be able to say no to nicotine.
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I should be focusing on things that matter to me:
- Breaking the nicotine addiction
- Losing weight
- Able to run again
- Living a happy and healthy life
This past 1 week was a challenge. I am sure once I past the nicotine withdrawal phase I will be OK.
Do the things that make you happy, said my inner voice.
Certainly things that make me happy are things that lead me to a healthy life. Happy and healthy are two sides to the same coin.
As usual the FUD Demons and the SSIDSLIP Hydra are always there to tilt the homeostasis of good living.
I must have a firm belief that I will make it. Without a speck of doubt.
I must have the courage and the confidence to make it through.
Now, at this present moment the vision of the afterlife is just a nice backdrop. What counts is the next 22 years. The bridge. If I cannot make it through the bridge, forget about the final destination.
Why do people need other people? Most of the time because they need others to achieve their goals. If they can do it on their own, it is best for us humans to be by ourselves.
Dato Azhar Mansor managed to sail around the world ALONE. That takes the balls of steel.
It also requires a certain level of dickheadedness to be able to say, "I am doing this for my own reason." Whatever the reason is.
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In my case, all I need is the Unconditional Love. Once I got that, I have the Unsurpassed Feeling of Certainty to achieve what I had set to achieve.
In other words, all I need is a loaded gun. From there on it is just point and shoot.
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It is important at this point to maintain the level of sanity so that the vision stays clear.
It's very easy to get derailed by our own demons at this point of the journey. I must be steadfast with my sense of purpose.
Nobody is going to motivate me except myself. There is no coach, no team mate and *[d]o (no) supporter.
* OK, there is a supporter.
Still I CANNOT FUCK UP. This is my life and I have one shot at it. At 55 I am starting all over again. Not only I am starting with a new perspective on life, I am starting on a new belief system and a new habit all together.
So radical is this idea, that I have to shrink everything around me to just a handful of people. I might as well regard this journey as a seafaring voyage of just me on board.
Well I have an added advantage. I have you Sarah. That is a world of difference. I am not entirely alone. I don't have to endure the road ahead all by myself.
Even so Sarah, this is still my journey. In the end it is me who has to clock in the mileage. I still want to run the 21 km Hill Run. I still want to achieve the Statue of David 2022.
Well fine, it's not circumventing the globe on a solo voyage. However I bet Azhar Mansor cannot achieve what I had set to do for myself either.
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This is a Vision Quest. There is no hoopla, no fanfare and no fireworks. It is a pretty uneventful undertaking. After this is over, nobody is going to throw me a big party. This is MY Hero's Journey and I had decided to take the journey because I have to do it. It is my calling.
Same goes with everything we had gone so far. Why did I do things that I did? Who instructed me to do that? Like Radzi was asking; "Who chose you?" Well Sarah, I don't need that permission from anybody. The answer lies within me. I knew who I am all along.
I knew I will be different since I was 5 years old. At that age I already understood I have a destiny to fulfilled. If that is an illusion of grandeur, then even at that age I already have the vision.
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Of course occasionally I get dishearten too. That only happens when I [] (get) others to be involved in my vision. Things like the Gobal Telepathy 2024 is a sore experience for me. Now when I look back, I realized that maybe to some I may sounded like a nutcase.
It doesn't matter Sarah. The Flight Path is not my Flight Path. I have my own Personal Flight Path to pursue. All I know is I am responsible for Defeating Iblis 2014 and KBOOOM 2041. So if I just shake my balls and cruise for the next 22 years, it doesn't matter.
However that's not how things work for me. I take my assignments seriously. I practice the Art of Brinkmanship. I have to. Otherwise I will have the inflammation and the weight working against me.
It is my intention to arrive as 2041 with full rigor. While for most people 55 years of age is the beginning of their decline, for me it is the beginning of my ascend.
Surely only a handful can appreciate it. One of them is BJ. However BJ has to fight his own inner demons too.
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I feel much better today. You can tell by the amount of things that I write, I am already past the dip in my nicotine withdrawal.
This is not like watching a 2 hours movie. The battle with cigarettes started in 2012. 7 years later can [] (only) I gain control of the situation.
So to say I will win this battle in a swift victory is an overstatement.
However, I need to lose weight SOON. 10 kg for this month to be exact.
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Sarah, for a while I was terrified that I might lose that loving feeling for you. Well, today I am certain I am still in love with you. As a matter of fact, your love is the pillar for me to move forward.
Without the Unconditional Love, it is quite impossible for me to stay motivated.
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