Turned out the starting of this decade is my battle not just with nicotine withdrawal but also my battle with mental health.
I strongly believe that once I stop consuming poison, my body will slowly heal.
Suppose the God Complex is part of the mental illness. Then it is safe to assume that there is no God. That the God Question is nothing more than a mind that is altered by perception, substance or limiting beliefs.
Actually I am ready to accept that there is no God and no afterlife. However an Agnostic Atheist either incline to believe or incline to disbelieve. Never you find one who is right in the middle. That is actually a noncommittal person. So in my case I am inclined to believe[r]. So we leave it as that.
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This is where I reset the point. I will discard ALL the thoughts I have on God and the afterlife. I want to stop believing in everything that is not evidence based.
So far I had a good time envisioning what the future will be like. I will not count those visions as something I should take as being serious.
Basically I am revamping my whole thought process.
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What is crucial right now is to maintain sanity with this Nicorette cessation. If I can ride this through, I will be OK.
Fuck, everything with regards to motivation and feel good is due to dopamine.
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Let's digress for a while. Think of all the alcohol drinkers, the pot heads and the cigarette addicts. Their brains are chemically altered by the substances they consumed.
I want to get well again. I want to experience life free from any influence of substance.
That is better than having money in the bank. I am banging on my personal health rather than external factors.
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If I am going with my simplification philosophy, then at the barest minimum, it is Sound Mind in Sound Body. This will be the foundation of my existence. I need to take care of both mental and physical aspects of my life.
Sound mind and sound body are the set points. To move north I need deeds not words. Hence, Acta Non Verba.
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This Nicorette cessation is like I just wake up from a long sleep. All this while I was under the influence of substance abuse. Suddenly memories from the past flashed back. These are the repressed emotions. These emotions were repressed by the substances that I used.
Cigarettes in particular was my early coping mechanism. Smoking was me wanting to grow up too fast too soon. Smoking was also a friend. However it served its purpose.
I should have quit smoking when I was 21. Then it dragged to when I was on my first job.
Always I started smoking because I had a void to fill. Particularly because I was feeling depressed.
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There are so many people that were affected by cigarettes. I need 3 1/2 years to withdraw from nicotine entirely.
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What do I want really?
I want to be free. Most importantly I should be free from any form of addiction.
I want to be free to run. To be light and energetic.
I'm willing to wait for 1 month to ride this Nicorette cessation. I know I can win this battle.
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