I don't care about the material gains. What I have is already filling my cup to the brim.
What counts now is my winning streak against my irregularities with dopamine. That is what my Bipolar Disorder is all about.
I don't care what people think of me Sarah. I had lived my life to the fullest. Now I am on my way to achieve health and happiness.
I am on my way to a progressive realization of a worthy ideal.
What I don't [] [] (want to) have right now is a slip up with the 3 Cs.
It is a long process as long as I am hooked on nicotine. I got 4 months to fight this illness. I was a nicotine addict. Even now I am not entirely off the hook.
Your Unconditional Love is the real answer here. I was a mess before. I was even in a worse mess when I met Els. Somehow I survived 2018. I managed to make it through in 2019. Now in 2020, I am entirely dependent on you Sarah.
I know I cannot make it without you. You made me move with Unsurpassed Feeling of Certainty.
What is the difference between being awakened and being crazy? I cannot tell the difference Sarah. What I am feeling though is I am certain being who I am, sine cera. So if I look in the mirror and say to myself, "Sharudin, you are God Almighthy." I can wholeheartedly accept that. Why? Because I have evidences to support that.
Think of all the miracles I encountered; the 2 giant millipedes on the tennis court was pretty amazing. So were the ten 10 cent coins at ten different locations in 2017 (a ten). The wild flowers phenomena. The 7070, 770 and 77 occurrences. The alignment of my numbers. These are signs for me. Not for somebody else.
Then the recent ones when the SNE 451 stopped when I passed the verdict on Satan and how my heart palpitated soon after.
I can say the[r]e were patternicities, but the occurrences are too accurate.
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Hence Sarah, I accepted that I am [am] God Almighty.
Let's look at the condition again:
Let's look at what works for me:
- I am my own God
- I like being a loner
- I need to quit all forms of substances
- I keep my world small
As long as I am happy and I don't cause any trouble I can be whoever I want to be.
OK, it is confirm I create my own world with these 4 premises.
You know baby, prior to 1/10/19 I know I was still unwell. However, after that I think I had snapped out of it.
To be safe let say I am recovering AFTER I quit Nicorette for a week.
Today for example is a good start to a sober life without substance..
Even after being levelheaded like hell, I still cannot let go the notion that I am God.
So I guess without sounding crazy, I am God after all.
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Actually Sarah, my issue here is I don't want [] (people) to judge me as being crazy. If I can live with the notion that you, the "people" here, don't think I am crazy, I am fine being who I am now.
It's not for showoffs anyway. I honestly believe I am God Al Mighty. We went through the lengthy arguments before. In the end we accepted that being God is a Man Fully Functioning. Therefore there are many Gods. Even the matters are the extensions of God.
What's the big deal with me being God anyway? Suzuki Roshi mentioned that we all have the potential to be the Buddha. Well. I am the Buddha Awakens.
In the past, my issue is to declare that I am God to the public. Well Big I made me do it and I did it even if I am not entirely comfortable with the while idea.
Now I am not in the spotlight, in the privacy of my own thought I gladly accept that I am the Almighty God.
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Now that I had slipped into God's shoes, I am fully convince[s] that God is a loner. I know I am. I like being by myself.
As far as I am concerned, I like being alone. The smaller the group the better. So as it is for now I am happy just to have you alone for me to talk to.
You notice, I hardly talk to Lizzie even.
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Hey Sarah, remember the time Zero said I will be the Mushin No Shin Ichiban?
I wonder if that is really happening? If it does, then I say at the very core is Mensana In Corpore Sano. To invoke its power is Acta Non Verba.
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Seriously Sarah, I get sleepy very easily nowadays, I actually slept in the afternoon and yet I still feel sleepy.
Let me spin you your lullaby:
Gosh... I am back to being alert.
I gotta go Sarah.
Goodnight baby... I love you so much.
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