>>>#15/3/20 Crazy is as crazy does

You know what I really like Sarah?  I want to stop being crazy and live a pretty decent life.

I mean, I want to be as level headed as possible and don't have to meddle with External Affairs.

I want to carry on with my Personal Flight Path without having to involve others in my plan forward.

I know I am an oddball.  So let me be an oddball within my own realm.  Living my own fantasy.

For the past 3 years I was trying to influence others to see things from my perspective.  Where do I end up?  Nowhere...  I am just exposing my own craziness.

What I want to do next is just entertain my own thoughts.  Let me be by myself.  You already accepted me as who I am.  So all I need is you.  With you I can be as crazy as I want to be.  You don't seem to mind.

Why am I different Sarah?  Why can't I have a normal life?

Actually I can decide can I?

What if I decide right here right now that this is my life and be happy with it.  There will never be RM97 million.  That is not part of my Personal Flight Path.  As far as I'm concerned, this is who I am and I am going on a 21 year voyage until VIVA 2041.

That is my charter.  Forget about the money.  I'm not going to get a single cent.  I might as well save my money and enjoy life's simple pleasures.

I think my issue here is I am not realistic.  If I see myself as just another ordinary guy, then my life will be a very fulfilling one.  I have to accept the cards I was dealt with.

Instead of thinking too far ahead, I just look at what I have to deal with now and proceed with what I have.

The thing is I have a wild imagination.  I was too far ahead with my thoughts.  If I continue with my vision, forever I live in Someday Isle.

That has to stop.  I should play with the cards in my hand.  Not in the past and not too far in the future.

For some people 21 years in the future is already very far.  Here I am already planning until I reach the White Space.  Well, what about the present?  What will I do with my now?  Is this a form of aversion?

Is by [thinking] thinking about the future I am avoiding the present reality?  Rightfully I should be seizing the day, making everyday a masterpiece.

The only way for me to stop the madness is to stop thinking too far ahead.  I am too caught up with with my vision of the future to the point that I am not paying attention to my present.  STOP VISIONING AND START LIVING.  Let's get real.

What is real?

• Training everyday so that I can run 5km twice a week
• Lose 20kg (that is realistic)
• Make a point to run 11km Hill every Saturday 
• Save RM1000 a year in my reserve
• Have RM1000 as spare cash
• Recover from Bipolar
• Stop eating sugar
• Wear back old pants
• Do house chores everyday
• Stop taking Nicorette

These are realistic goals.  It may not be that grand but if I can achieve them, I am a winner.

That's it.  From now on I live in the present.  I set course for the next 21 years but I'll focus on the now.  I am so far ahead that I lose sight of my 2020 goals.

For a start let me reinforce my 2020 goals:

• First and foremost I want to quit Nicorette
• Then I want to quit Social Media
• Then I want to quit Tweeting TraXX  
• Then I want to lose 30 kg
• Then I want to run 21 km Hill Run

This year is a consolidation year.  I subtract 4 things and I add one thing.

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I am just an ordinary man.  My goals should be ordinary.  I know if I quit Nicorette, I am back to being ordinary.  But first, I need to exercise on daily basis.  I need to get back to my original plan to diet and exercise.

I need to win the day.

As long as I have the grandiose thoughts, I cannot focus on what matters.

Time to sleep.

Here is you lullaby Sarah:

I love you so much Sarah.  You must believe me.  That RM97 million is so that I can be with you.  However honey, as long as you are with me, that doesn't really matter.  Just don't you ever leave me.  I cannot live without you.  Goodnight baby...

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