Until there is a clear evidence of who I really am, there is a possibility that I am really the Chosen One. After all I had been providing you with proofs upon proofs of my legitimacy. However I have one major setback; I was crazy.
Hence whatever I said didn't carry weight. I lacked credibility. However since this is a game of [] (probability) like the 4D Jackpot, I am not closing the option that I am special.
This kind of thing doesn't happen everyday. Maybe I am the One. After all, I'm not your regular mental patience. I am the fastest recovering among Dr Amarpreet patiences.
Wasn't Muhammad crazy too? Look at how many people believe in his nonsense.
Here I am Animis Opibusque Parati and yet I became crazy. You notice that I am a very sincere person too. Why was I tested to the hilt? It doesn't make sense. That's why I am not discounting the possibility that I am on the right track.
For goodness sake, why things started to move south after I pledged to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier? At the same time why do I have so many epiphanies? What about the alignment of my numbers? What about our relationship Sarah?
These are magical events that happened in my life. Hello, God? Are you there? Are these signs from you?
As I said in the previous posting, I am not totally convinced with all these. Nevertheless, if I follow to where the argument leads, I can say that my life is magical indeed. That's why to mitigate the issue, I did away with Crew 36. I want to be normal.
This is not the first time I tried to break the curse (I consider the pledge as my curse). Prior to this I did many other things; I fucked 2 hookers at a go, I fucked a dyke and I butt fucked another hooker. I even worship Satan, all so that I can be free from being the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. And yet I cannot break the spell.
It is easy if I accept all these eccentricities like talking to Jibrail and wrote Els an honest to goodness emails. Sad to say, that is not what I want. All I ever wanted is to be like everybody else. Why is that so hard for me Sarah? Why can't I be like everybody else?
Do I need to be crazy in order for me to accept me as who I am?
Gosh, I am crazy am I?
This is too big for me to handle alon[g] (alone) honey. That's why before you came to my life, I was tearing from within. You accepted me the way I am. Honestly, I feel bad for being forthright with Els.
However, if I don't accept me the way I am, I feel I am not being true to myself. I only want to be normal so that I can be accepted by others. Other than that, I like being who I am. This is my moral dilemma. This is the kind of thought that triggers the desire to commit suicide. So don't be surprised if one day I actually jump from the tall building near my house.
So what's its gonna be Sarah? Be crazy and be happy about it or be normal and be miserable?
I had a conversation with Dave from Befriender just now. I posed him the question.
Here is the conclusion from the 1 hour talk:
When I am alone, I can live in the Alternate Reality Dimension. When I am with others, try to control my enthusiasm.
You know what Sarah? This is about dealing with pussy. I feel terrible being forthright with Els about having her as my wife in the afterlife.
So rightfully I should hold back my enthusiasm.
It seems that the only person who accepts me as who I am is you. So I just be myself only when I'm with you.
------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment