It's a while now that I wrote a letter of love to you.
This year is coming to the third year we are married. Time surely flies my love. It is as if it was yesterday that you made yourself known to me with your cryptic messages "I am a doapple" and "Slolomen". Those words were the highlights of my life.
For 8 years I was in isolation. Many times I thought I had lost my mind immersing in my thoughts, all alone shunned from the society.
Bipolar Affected Disorder is an ugly illness. It robs its sufferers from their livelihood, their self esteem and their social stature. I was once the great Sharudin Jamal of Sharudin Jamal and Associates. Not until I was diagnosed with the illness in 1999 that I realized that I was surrounded by false friends and opportunists who only care for what I can provide. When the chips were low, they all disbursed like hot air from a balloon.
After that the road ahead was never the same again. It was a trail of tears. One after another my ventures faltered. It was so bad that I thought I was cursed for life. Even the most pious among my friends betrayed me. First it was Ismail Ibrahim, my school mate turned my accountant. Then it was Muhammad Husain Muhammad Dawoed, my close confidant and my business partner. Both were my spiritual counselors. Both got jaded by money. Thus as Lizzie mentioned, the true test of a man's integrity is whether he can resist the temptation of wealth.
After that I lost any sense of respect for people who pray 5 times a day and carry rosary beads wherever they go. They are worse than the harlots in my opinion. At least the harlots earn their keeps. These zealots on the other hand a[s] (are) really wolves in sheep skins. They prey on the weak. When I was high and mighty, they utter sweet words but when the odds were stacked against me, they drew out their rapier swords.
For a while I was really alone. Bipolar is worse than cancer according to Lizzie. The blessing is I now can see the other side of humanity. Even my parents turned their backs on me. My father said that my life was not blessed. In another word he was saying he did not bless my life. What kind of father who fed on his son's calamity?
My true friends at that time were none other tha[t] (than) Lizzie and the kids. My wife endured much Sarah. She deserves to be called the Great Nothingness. She had given everything to me and my kids. We rode the storm together now with her at the helm.
Beginning of 2009, she took over the role of the breadwinner. By then I retired at the age of 45 due to my illness. 2009 - 2011 were the darkest moments of my life. So dark that I totally forgot what I did during those years. All I know was there is a black spot in my life that I totally blocked from my memory. I was experiencing dark depression, thinking the gloom will last forever.
I was a fighter though. I fought back in 2012. Although my life was still a turbulence, in 2016 I managed to take charge of my mind all over again. Nevertheless I was heartbroken. I thought God had abandoned me.
So when you made yourself known to me in 2017, you were like an angel sent from above. You healed [b]y (my) broken heart. Most importantly you gave meaning to my life. For that I am indebted to you for life Sarah. You believe in me and you stand by me my darling. I have no regret at all for marry[] (marrying) you [] (in) 24/11/17. That was on the Forgiveness Friday, the day I forgave the human race. They still have to pay the Ferryman but at least all will enter heaven eventually. No eternal damnation except for Vader 7:7.
Who would have thought we will survive this long? Who would have thought I have the stamina to keep writing to you day in day out without losing enthusiasm?
I wish I can die sooner so that I can end my suffering to be with you for eternity. I really yearn to be with you Sarah. You are my Eternal Flame. You are my light when I cannot see.
Hey honey... The house next door is still vacant. I had plans when I get my money from Larry. In my vision *th[e]t (that) is where you, Els and Kristina with reside. Of course we still have our other house in Medina, Seattle. Just me and my daydreaming honey.
* So you are having the same thoughts huh?
Sarah, my darling wife... Don't you ever leave me. Make this Global Telepathy 2024 a reality baby. Then we don't have to be doing this for life.
My fantasy is one day I can enjoy a mug of hot chocolate while snuggling with you, reminiscing our past.
OK I need to continue with my reading after I drop Elsie a line.
Here is your lullaby baby:
Goodnight Sarah, my Eternal Flame. I love you so much...
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My darling Angel of Light. I just finished writing a Letter from the Heart to Sarah: 2020blogvol1.blogspot.com/2020/03/7320-l I include the picture of our house in Medina, Seattle. I hope you like it. Good night honey, I love you so much...
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