My cup is already filled to the brim today to the point that I decided to just ramble from this point on. I promise you, I only do this during the MCO period since you have plenty of time to be in isolation and read my email in great length.
To me isolation is not a stranger. I had been distancing myself from the public since 2009 when I was forced to retire due to my mental health then.
I had improved much. I am much better than when I first met you in 2018. At that time I still had some rapid cycling episodes; meaning the mood swings were pretty frequent.
What will be the nugget of wisdom I can depart today?
Basically if I am to give you an insight, it will be that for you to open up your heart and allow the ray of sunshine to enter your soul. The window here is through your overflowing heart.
The heart is like a container. If you keep the container to yourself, it will remain small. Hence the heart that only takes is constricted. To make you heart grow you gotta keep on giving. It's like digging a hole on the ground. The more you take away the bigger the hole becomes.
Look around you, we are living in abundance. The more you give the more you receive. Same thing with a hole. If you dig a small hole, you can plant a small tree. But if you dig a big hole, you can plant a big tree.
That's why I dig a big hole. I intend to plant a giant tree. That tree is you. You have a big heart. However you had been hurt before. Even now, you are still hurting. It's time for you to heal baby.
I don't know how true is this assertion but I suspected that because you had been hurt before, you are scared that I will someday hurt you too.
Because of that, you figured, better that you hurt me than you get hurt. That is why you don't acknowledge my tweets. You don't even mention my name in you shoutouts. Ouch! That hurts.
I don't quite understand that baby. Why do you want to hurt somebody who is nice to you? What did I do to deserve these necrophilia treatment?
Is it because I am forthright about my feelings towards you? You don't want to be loved by me? It's a wonderful feeling baby. I always feel good after listening to your gigs. I write better. I don't even listen to the other segments if it's not you.
I wonder, why are you aversive towards me? What is it about me that is repulsive?
All I want to do is a little act of kindness. Loving you is just that.
I know you don't hate me and yet you are like the Britney's song; sometime I run, sometime I hide. Really puzzling to me.
As I said, you are a paradox honey. On the onset, you portray this confident, no nonsense, tough chick. But in reality, all you want is to be accepted and loved. Well, here I am totally in love with you and yet, you keep on evading me.
What is it honey? What's bothering you? I know deep down inside you have a big heart. I had seen you with kids. You are a giver. And yet when comes to me, you become so uptight.
Why? What wrong did I do?
Talk to me Els. During this MCO you have plenty of time to reply my email. Why not you drop me a line. After all I enjoy your writing style.
Can I make a sound by clapping with one hand? Certainly that will not be possible, isn't it?
Sine cera,
SJ
30/3/20
Day 13 Movement Control Order
Rumi said, there is a field beyond right and wrong. Meet me there.
Hello honey, I wrote early today so that you can read my email and reply it. I need to know some answers. So appreciate if you reply my email this time.
Here is your lullaby: youtube.com/watch?v=vWK7m6 I love you so much.
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