I need to break this monotony. I am getting restless unable to go out.
So today I took Lizzie's car for a spin to charge the battery.
Now the government is doing total lockdown in stages.
As it is we cannot pay our bills at the counter.
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You know that this is just the tip of the iceberg. One year from now millions will be affected. How do you expect to contain the illness? This is in view that there are people who don't practice social distancing.
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Nothing compares to wearing 4 watches at a go.
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Now that I think about it, 2018 I was pretty crazy. 2019 I was still pretty crazy. This year I decided that I no longer want to be crazy. I had a closure with Rex. Now is to have a closure with Els. Enough is enough. I had mind raped her to the max. Definitely she thinks I'm crazy.
Only I can stop [] (from) being crazy. Let me be crazy all by myself.
Maybe, just maybe, this craziness won't go away.
Whatever it is, I need to contain it to just myself.
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Come to think of it, this is a good life. I can still be who I want to be with all my craziness.
If I accept that all the incidents for the past 20 years as me being crazy, then I can do away with Crew 36 being other than a set of figurines.
I also need to accept that I am nobody special except to myself. Pretty much like John Nash.
There is one caveat though. I should not take life too seriously. Being crazy means you can get away with a lot of things.
If this God is a compassionate one, then he knows that I did everything with all sincerity. That should account for something. Unless the harsh reality is there is no God.
In that case, rather than second guessing the God and No God question, I take charge of my life. I become my own God and I come up with my own religion.
That should solve the bulk of the problem. John Nash rejected his epiphanies. By doing so he rejected 30 years of madness. I have to do the same. I have to reject 20 years of false beliefs.
As I told you, the day I put aside Crew 36 is the day I say goodbye to the madness. Still I believe in God and the afterlife. I however will not entertain the detail as much as I don't entertain the detail of my present life.
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The upside of being crazy is I don't have to be like everybody else. My blessing is my life is blessed. So perhaps there is a God after all. This is truly living in the Eye of the Tornado.
What I need to do is to contain the madness only to myself.
The outlet is the blog. No need to menyakat Els anymore. I had peaked my madness with her. Beyond that is utter nonsense.
Remember, I had put aside Crew 36. Also be mindful of John Nash.
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