However all is not lost. I managed to meet both my diet goals. I need to move from one day to another without losing enthusiasm.
I need to get to the bottom of this no energy phenomena. If I look at the cycle, I was in mania in December and January. Come February I was having depression. I need to manage these cycles. I got a feeling that the medication is not helping at all. Or is it because I smoke pot? I don't really know. What I do know is my mood is not at its optimum.
I am having mood swings again. This afternoon I started having one of those weird dreams again.
I am depressed. The only way to overcome this is through diet and exercise. I need to fight it. I need to get back the energy.
Maybe part of it is due to being in isolation. I don't know. What I do know is I am fighting this battle alone.
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If I look back at past events, I was doing OK when I was at 88 kg. That means if I lose weight my mood improves too.
I think the biggest blow was when I was scoping HOTS and the Flight Path. I got to drop the idea.
I think now I am distressed because I blew my reserve. No money is despairing. I got to take care of my money.
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The key here is to win the day, one day at a time. By now I need to find the winning formula. I think I found the formula. Now is to put it into action.
I need to live by this principle:
By now I need to have a sound strategy to deal with my situation. I don't mind the mania. It is the depression that I dread. The no mood situation. That is very common when comes to time for me to exercise.
I need to fight it. I also need to fight the medication. No other means but through diet and exercise.
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Let's create an ideal future. What will that be?
Basically an ideal life for me will be life without illness. I need to achieve that by avoiding cigarettes and dope. I eat right and I exercise daily. Basically I need to win the day. I should no longer Tweet TraXX and I should live in isolation. Isolation is a resource.
No more talks on being God and thinking too far ahead in the future. Just keep things real. Running 5 km every other day is a real goal. Let's go for that goal before thinking about 21 km Hill Run. From 5 km I should be progressing to 10 km. I can achieve all this within the parameter of BU 2.
The key to my success is the weight loss and the ability to run on regular basis. These are the prime objectives of my life.
I think I got to stop thinking in term of superlative. If I want to keep it small, then I just think within this current scope. I just focus on making my life consistent.
The watches are good. They keep me in a good mood. Surely 247 Continuous is good too. Blogging is equally good.
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Since 2013 I had been fighting my weight and my mental condition. Let's look at 2003. What was actually my winning formula? I was living a consistent life. I need the routine to be mentally stable. So start establishing the routine.
The situation is not entirely bad. Today I managed to win two and lose two. So I break even. What I need to do is monitor my progress on daily basis. I need to keep my mind clear from negative thoughts. Looking at the watches gives me great delight.
As I said 2020 is a new beginning for me. I was recovering in 2019. Now in 2020, I should eradicate all false beliefs. Let's look at the situation as it is.
I have Al Araf 7:7 and Sailbad the Sinner. These are my resources. I have my watches as my resources too. Heck, I'm not short of resources. Now is to get into action.
For the month of February I just concentrate on walking consistently everyday. I need to get back the routine all over again,
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