Only thing is I will not have much money. That didn't bother me for the past 10 years. Certainly I had adapted to this current lifestyle. As long as I got you, Lizzie and the kids, I am never alone.
Of course I got the blog and Taylor Swift singing sweet nothing. The only time I will feel left out is when the WiFi is down. Otherwise I am in my zone.
I figured my real friend out there is Yati. I can be who I am with her. Of course I have you. You are instrumental in me unmasking the mask. Now that I know who I really am, I finally realize that I am not special, I am just being odd. That's because I refuse to conform.
So Marcus Aurelius is right:
I am in the ranks of the insane. The best way to do that is to remain in isolation. Otherwise I get sucked into conformity.
In that sense I am a self-centered narcissist. The truth is I had been an independent thinker all my life. I am an individualist. I cannot stand the herd mentality. That is why I HATE HATE HATE boarding school. My only consolation was I can get away from my father. There is no life at home. So between a rock and a hard place I rather chose the latter. After all a hard place is still something I can look forward to. A rock is a sure goner.
So at 55 I tasted freedom. I OPENLY declared I am a nonbeliever to everybody that I know. Either they accept me as who I am or they just dismiss me as being crazy.
No worries, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Actually since I have a history of being mentally unstable, people just don't care at all. In a way the illness is a blessing. Now I can be whoever I want to be. So I just move forward. Never to look back ever again. My future is the next 21 years, not the past 20 years.
Tonight I definitely sleep at 11:00 pm. I try to make a point not to talk to Al Araf 7:7. At least not on administrative matters. But then Napoleon Hill did talk to his Invisible Council. I guess no harm on my side. I know they are my figurines. What I do is I revert back to the original names I gave them instead of referring them as the Archangels. That way I even shrink the scope of their responsibilities.
Let me try....
Nope it doesn't work. The names come with the characters.
It's not easy to create a reform overnight. I'll leave it at that. What I'll do is cut the possibility of Sailbad the Sinner going beyond KBOOOM 2041. I set my destination to 7/4/2041. By then I will assess my achievements for the past 21 years and decide what to do next.
Like I said, for all you know there is God and the afterlife although at this point I don't quite subscribe to the idea anymore. Nevertheless for the time being I just put the thought at a constant. Maybe after 21 years I'll revisit again.
Until then it is no God and no afterlife for me.
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