As I was reading Exploring Religion I realized that I don't need religion. That's because I am not confined to a social structure. I also don't need God and the afterlife if I choose to believe in science.
God and religion cannot be separated. They are the legacy of our primordial legacy. I want to cut off from everything. Don't talk about legacy, I don't even want to associate myself with my parents; which is the present. I saw how my parents treated their parents. Most likely they were treating their parent like they had been treated when they were small. Now the cycle repeats with me and my parents.
I wish my parents die sooner. That way I don't have to pretend that I like going back every Idil Fitr. I don't fancy that at all. So are my kids.
So definitely religion is unnecessary for me except when my daughters marry and my demise. Otherwise I don't need religion.
I think I don't need God either. Since I want to go on an eternal slumber, I also don't need the afterlife. Why fallback to a primitive belief when I can embrace a more progressive worldview with science? Now, there is no absolute truth in science either by as least with science I can be pragmatic.
It's not that I am a man of science. I however need to be definite in my thinking. Look at what happened the past 20 years. All the mess was due to the false beliefs I had absorbed along the way. How can I believe I was fighting Iblis should I not delve in religion? It was a compounding effect.
I don't want to be crazy anymore. It's very scary. I even came up with a dossier on my madness. I should have accepted that I was having a mania due to dopamine surge. At the same time I induced the state by taking intoxicants.
The use of hallucinatory drug is very common in inducing the sense of oneness with the creator in religion. That was what I did. I was so engrossed in the Alternate Reality Dimension. In reality I was stoned.
It doesn't help either that I was having a believing mind. I was a person of faith. This was triggered by my association with Ismail and Sazali who were conservatively backward in their thinking. I thought I was doing myself a favor by being religious. It turned out that it was more damaging.
All this while I was a liberal. I was a radical too. Being religious turned out was the root cause of my madness. That was further compounded with me smoking dope and trying out all sort of hallucinatory drugs.
I was a mentally distorted person. I should stick with my decision in 2012. My problem was between then and 2018 I was still smoking dope. That was the major issue with my life. I was a psychopath when I smoke marijuana.
In a way I was already a crazy guy from the time I was abused by my grandmother, auntie and father. I was void of love. I was never really over it even when I met Lizzie. I was happy with her when I was in the States. But when I came back to Malaysia I started smoking dope again. In a way, BJ is not my best friend. He is a crazy pot head as much as my brother Jad. The only difference is he is not psychotic. However he is still delusional. Imagine, he can only run 12 km and yet he entered the marathon and the ultramarathon. That was being delusional.
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So enough is enough. No more thoughts on God and the afterlife. I am not even considering the Infinite Intelligence. The most I am willing to go is speaking to my figurines. That is for practicality purposes than anything else. Like I said I am now a nonbeliever. I don't want to believe in anything without evidence. I don't want to even consider anything that I cannot validate with my 5 senses.
You want to go with science, we go with science all the way. From now on I put a stop to Fuzzy Thinking. I just based my judgment based on evidence.
I no longer believe in anything abstract. That's where the trouble begins. Given a choice I DON'T WANT to see BJ and RR. I don't want *[] (anything) to do with people who have faith in GOD. If I have to stand alone as an Agnostic Atheist, so be it. I don't need to declare it to the whole world what I believe or don't believe. I just declared that to Yati and she didn't know how to react. What do you think the reaction of the rest of the people?
* OK Sarah we are on the same page then.
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