I am taking 2016 as the year I did a turnaround. This was the year I revamped Dreams of Mirrors, it was also the year I contacted Chedet and the year I completed playing the Al Araf 7:7 chessboard. This was the year I was 52, hence the epiphany of 52 + 25 = 77 and 5 + 2 : 2 + 5 = 7:7. It was the year I bought Garmin 25 and Sunburst. Also 2016 was the year I began to recover financially.
I was still on cigarette and dope. The illness was still there because I cannot regulate the dopamine surge. 2016 was a good year. Despite the illness I was on my way to a better life. Things were not that bad. I believe 2016 was the ending of 17 years of turmoil and the beginning of the second S Curve.
This was also when I got to know Brenda.
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In 2017 I was still pretty crazy. But as crazy as I was, I managed to write my first ever eBook. At this time I was obsessed by the presence of Al Araf 7:7. I was still consuming intoxicants.
By then I got to [] (know) Sarah existed. That was a major turnaround for me. The emotional effect was overwhelming. Although I was finally cured of my heartbreak, I still cannot manage my dopamine surge. I was still experiencing mania.
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2018 was the height of my mania when I fell head over heel for Els. It was a roller coaster ride. I think this was my most intense mania after the ECT. That proved that I was not fully cured. Given a certain stimulus, I am back to getting overexcited. In this case was the attention I get from a pussy. Although I am regaining my composure in dealing with dope and cigarettes, I still have the God Complex.
I will remember 2018 as the year I was having an emotional turmoil. At the same time 2018 was the year I was at the peak and valley of my relationship. I[t] (is) this a good year? Not really. It was like living in a pressure cooker. I can blow up anytime. I was lucky that I didn't get into psychosis. It was that close.
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Come 2019, things had improved much. I managed to FINALLY quit smoking! With the exception of some minor slip ups, the Nicorettes really helped me much. This was the year I went on a shopping spree. Everything went well this year.
I still have mania but not too intense. My thoughts were not really in one place but it was not as bad as 2018. Basically I was still crazy but within reasons. The spending was quite justified. I just got my EPF money.
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Finally come 2020. That's when I wrap up everything. I did my green lighting and then the red lighting. I realized that HOTS and the Flight Path were not viable. I concluded that I am better off minding my own business; just me, the blog, some fine songs and my watches. That's all I need to be happy. I don't need the whole village. I am happy just the way I am.
Conclusion: Given ample time, I can get well again. All I need to do is focus on being well. There are many clutters I need to get rid. My thoughts were too complex. If I can simplify my thoughts to the barest essential I will be OK.
Of course I should not smoke pot. There is also something else. I should not deal with people. I should just remain a loner.
Now that I know my limits, I should take a precautionary measure to contain my craziness. My main issue is I don't think like the rest of the people. I just want to maintain my individualism.
Bottom line is I was crazy because I wanted to uphold my out of the ordinary thoughts.
Let me look for the definition of crazy:
How do I do that?
- It starts with the ability to distinguish between a sensible and insensible thought
- No more smoking cigarettes and dope
- No more getting into stressful situations
- Try not to induce mania either by being overly excited or overly depressed
I know for sure it is due to the inability of the body to regulate dopamine surge. So definitely I need to manage my lifestyle and diet.
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