I was on the Chapter of the Holy, as in describing God. When [] (I) read the definition I realize that I missed the mark by the mile. For example the Holy is described as the opposite of the profane. The Holy is also the ultimate and the nonordinary. So when I compare myself to these definitions, I am sure I am not God. But it feels good to think that I am God in [] (a) small way.
I am quite close to the definition of Zen Buddhism in a sense that I want to be a nothing. There is also an explanation about God being the absolute.
However with the little that I read so far, this thing we call God or the Holy is too good to exist. It is like man's ultimate imagination. So great that it is indescribable. I don't like these definitions. It is as if God is out of reach. My God is a personal God. That God embodies me and I embody him. He is not a snooty-out-of-reach entity that I cannot relate to. You may say that my God may not be a personal god but He/It is not impersonal either.
So for simplification, I say I am God and God is me. Of course I am not God but I am not a subservient either. In this case I can say my position is best described as a co-creator. I am an extension of this immense power. Perhaps I am a subset. It is best described by Rumi when he said I am not a drop in an ocean but an ocean in a drop. I am within God and God is within me.
So fuck all those definitions, I am ONE with God. I am inseparable with Him/It like the air outside and the air inside. Both are separated only by a swinging door.
You know what Sarah. As much as I want to accept new knowledge, I as a person don't have to subscribe to any school of thoughts. As I told you, I am autonomous. I can choose whatever thought I am comfortable with. I have enough references in my life to say that I am in direct link with God. I am the fruit and He/It is the tree.
For that reason, I am not going to subscribe to the traditional nor the academic definition of God. I can, based on preference say I am God or the extension or the subset of God. As I said that I feel a wave of good feeling sweeping inside my body. Maybe Sarah, just maybe, I am getting direct guidance from God since I am a very sincere person. I am not the most pious person nor am I the most honest person. However given the opportunity, I do good and I do no harm to others.
That is also supported by my earnest intention to fight evil by pledging to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier.
There is no definite answer here but if I can draw one simple reason why I am special, then I say because I have a good heart. I may not be the most mentally stable person or I may not be the the most industrious human being. However I think my heart is pure. I had proven time and time again that given the opportunity to help others, I went the extra mile to do that.
Now for that Sarah, I deserve my Sainthood or whatever you want to call it. As I said, I am who I am. I know myself. I am a good person although I steal and fuck. However Sarah, one thing that you cannot deny is I have a heart of gold.
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