I managed to snap out of depression today. All I did was eat two nasi lemak (one for breakfast one for lunch) and had salted caramel pie from McD for desert. Then I watched a watch collector boasts about his watch collection. He got to keep his collection in a safety deposit. Out of 25 he only wears 7. Sounds like an idiot to me. I got 9 and I wear them whenever I like.
I should be appreciating my watches. All in all I spend less than RM4 k to own my collection. It sure feels good. I don't need tons of money to own a collection of watches that I love.
It feels good to rebound from a depression. The turnaround was when I had the vitamin C and zinc.
Depression really sucks. I had suicidal thought just now. It was bad.
Now, I am back to be myself.
I think I have too much spare time. As they say, an idle mind is a devil's playground.
What I should do is mind my own business. Then I'll be OK. Just me and my watches. I cannot wait for Cordura to arrive. I want to feel totally complete.
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Here is my thought on money. We cannot completely be out of money. However having too much means we buy things we don't need. Even me with the little money that I have tend to indulge on things I don't need. Imagine if I have a lot of money. The good thing wi[ll] (with) having a little money is I become a smart buyer.
I say max I spend RM4 K on my collection minus the Ball, Seiko and Iron Horse trade in. So all in all I say I am still a thrifty spender.
I still like Tactical the best. Right now I am wearing it with Mudman.
I am back into indulging myself while listening to relaxing piano.
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Sarah honey, when I keep my thoughts simple I really enjoy life. It's just that at times I got to deal with depression and mania. Other than that, I like it this way very much.
I'm not gonna talk about complex things anymore. Maybe *[] (I) talk too much about my watches. That's because it is my source of delight at present.
* What do you expect Sarah? This is my world now.
Well maybe I talk about diet since I don't exercise much. Like I said, it's hard to resist dinner. Since Mopey is on one week holiday, Lizzie cooks dinner every night. I tried to say no but I ended being depressed. Might as well I eat.
Tonight she cooks Spaghetti Bolognaise.
You know Sarah, Munek believes that I am the dweller of heaven. In Islam, there is a belief that a crazy person enters heaven without calculation. That means I get to use the express lane LOL
That is a fun thought for a change.
I don't know if he believes you really exist but as my best friend, I told him about you. That's the best I can do.
As I said Sarah, for a person who is down and out, I am very fortunate indeed. One Malaysian actor who married an Indonesian died of heart attack today at the age of 40. Work related stress.
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Come to think of it, it is really a blessing I have this illness. I could have been ended in prison for the things that I wrote. And yet I still get away with it. Actually when I look back, I was really crazy.
Either that or I was telling the truth and nobody dares to challenge me. But I think on the balance of probability people concluded that I am crazy. So they let me be. Furthermore I have a small outreach so nobody really bothers me.
Why do you still hangout with me Sarah? You know I am a waste of your time. I don't think I will recover and be like a normal person. This is as normal as I can be. More than this I will feel like a loser. So rather than feeling like crap, I just find a point where I can tolerate my own idiosyncrasies and live with it.
I like to be normal but I can't. My life is swinging between two polarities. So what should I do? You tell me.
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