Now that I know probably all the things I experienced the past 20 years are due to me being delusional, I had decided to discard all thoughts that are not relevant to my overall well being at this moment.
I certainly not going to entertain patternicities and coincidences. I am not going to entertain TraXX. I definitely not going to entertain thoughts when I was stoned.
I will remain levelheaded about the whole thing. I just only accept thoughts that make sense if I talk to Lizzie. That is my acid test.
This idea about God, the afterlife, the Adjoining Croissant, Sparta 4964, HOTS, the Flight Path and my involvement with TraXX are all delusional. Somehow Lizzie can accept that I talk to Al Araf 7:7.
Therefore I keep myself occupied by talking to Al Araf 7:7 and enjoy looking at Sailbad the Sinner.
Rather than listening to Iron Maiden, I listen to Taylor Swift being a bimbo. Nothing heavy. Whatever I cannot validate I set aside. Maybe I just simply discard them.
Is God and the afterlife relevant to me in pursuing Vision Quest? None whatsoever. So discard. This is part of the simplification process. Stop thinking in ambiguity. Start thinking in absolutes.
For example stop thinking in grandiose. Look around you. Who are you? Nothing more than a person occupying a 12 meters square space writing his thoughts away. Just stay at that point. The rest are nonsense. It cannot be proven.
Al Araf 7:7 and Sailbad the Sinner are different. They are not the play of the mind. They are real. KBOOOM 2041 is also real. I need to make my mark when I am 77. That's because of 52 + 25 = 77, 5 +2 : 2 + 5 = 7:7.
So things I can validate I accept. Those I cannot validate like defeating Iblis 2014 I discard. I was experiencing mania. So instead of thinking that I defeated Iblis, I just accept that I was having Bipolar Disorder. I was cured because of the ECT treatment.
There is no miracle. Just normal living. Probably those Saints and Sufis were mentally ill too. I have to accept that I was delusional. That is the first step to recovery. Accepting that I was ill.
What will Carl Sagan say if he knows me? Certainly he will say due to my history of mental illness, I was delusional.
Sarah, I am nobody special. Just like Muhammad was crazy, so was I. So I am not going to fall in the same mold. I am better than Muhammad. I am a rational person without those esoteric thoughts.
I can be as logical as I can be. If I discard all the thoughts that I had when I was in mania, I am a very normal person. The idea is to manage the illness so that it doesn't escalate onto something totally absurd.
Who knows if there is a God. What good is He anyway? We still have war and famine. What is that? That shows there are people who don't believe in a supernatural power.
Let me do an experiment then. For the past 20 years I believed in God. What if from here on I stop believing in God. Will my quality of life deteriorate or improve?
Well, suppose I did defeat Iblis in 2014. What good is that? It's water under the bridge. I said it myself, I am a Free Man. Therefore I can believe what I want to believe. Now I believe I am just an average being on an average planet orbiting an average star.
I am nobody special. All the while I create false beliefs and I believe them. Who am I kidding? None other than myself.
At 55 I can more or less accept that I am living a spectacular life without having to add the frills of animosity and contempt towards my surrounding. I just enjoy being autonomous. After all what I like doing, which is writing the blog is something I can do indefinitely. Nobody bothers me and nobody force me to do anything. At this age I can do whatever I like. Why should I be bothered to meddle in External Affairs albeit HOTS or the Flight Path?
If I am the real deal, then I had done my part. I had pushed to the brink. Maybe along the line I became crazy. So what? This is between me and God. So no[t] (now) I am saying to God that I want to be left alone. I am no longer entertain the thoughts of the past 20 years. I don't even want to entertain the thoughts since I was born.
I honestly want to be autonomous. I don't want to believe in anything. Not in God, afterlife and the Judgement of heaven. I just want to enjoy my existence as a Man Fully Functioning. In the morning I exercise. Then I write and listen to songs. I then eat OMAD. I write some more. At 11:00 pm I sleep. That constitute my day.
Sarah, you can join me or you can let me be. It doesn't matter. I will still write as long as I feel like writing. I had been writing for as long as I can remember. I am a true writer. I write because I enjoy writing. There is no other reason. I am a writer, therefore I write.
I had found my purpose of being. This is what I enjoy doing. So like many other things I enjoy doing, I keep on doing it until I reach my saturation point. I don't think I am nowhere near that.
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