When I don't blog I feel depressed. This has now become my reality.
I need to write as much as I need a channel to communicate my thoughts.
I had concluded that I was delusional for the past 20 years. This is my true awakening. Realizing that I am nobody special. I am pretty [] (much) a social outcast. Just me and my thoughts.
While everything around me is pretty fucked up, I need to find a point where I can operate at the optimum.
I was depressed for the past 3 days. Right after I completed Nautica X. It was coming. An episode of mania normally is followed by depression. In January I was pretty much caught up with HOTS and the Flight Path. I then decided to cut off TraXX and my Social Media.
Food was a factor too. What I eat determine my mood. Today I avoided rice. Turned out it was for the better.
I decided to continue writing the blog. That is my source of comfort. Now I also have my watches. That should do it.
The key goes back to diet and exercise. I should control what I eat from now on. I had a good plan. I eat normal during the day and at night I eat apple. Black coffee is good. Today I had 5 mugs of black coffee. That should do it.
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I don't know if you are real Sarah. For the past 3 years I had a good time. Therefore I will continue believing you are real. If it's a lie, it's a good lie. You are non intrusive and you are quite harmless. So I just play along. As it is the blog is a good company. I had found a coping mechanism.
I need a strategy to overcome my depression. It is not bad really. It only last for 3 days. That is good.
If you can take it you can make it - Unbroken.
Never give up - Kikuo Ibe.
I am very determined to win this battle. If I can quit 3 Cs I can surely defeat SSIDSLIP. I fought cigarettes since 2012. That is a 7 years battle. I finally won. Now I am setting my eyes to fight Bipolar. I know I can do it.
What is the price this time? The damage is RM726 out of my pocket. The good side is I own 3 watches. Sure it's not a major issue. However I need to replenish my reserve. Then I have to spend RM1 k on dental work.
I sure can use some extra cash from Munek this year. RM2 K means a lot. I have no regret buying those watches. They are my indulgence. With the last purchase, I no longer need to worry about spending anymore on pretty much anything.
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I thought it took longer to recover from this depression. 3 days is not bad at all.
I need to stay focus on my goal to be thin. I need to seize the day. I had a strategy. I should follow through with my plan.
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So now it is about following through. It is still not too late. The key is not to get depressed. I can fight this. When I am depressed I am inclined to smoke cigarette and dope. I have to avoid it at all costs. The cunt thing is something I have to avoid too. With this Covid 19 virus going around, I need to take extra precaution.
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Now that I am confirmed I am a lifelong patient of Bipolar, I better set my expectation right. For one, don't get too ambitious. Let's start with losing 20 kg this year. From 91 kg to 71 kg. Then let focus on able to run 5 km twice a week. It has to be on Tuesday and Thursday.
That will be my 2020 resolution reassessed after I evaluate my current situation. The battle is won by those who persist.
Celebrate your win over the 3 Cs. You made it. Next you got to celebrate for completing your watch collection. That is a big win. You spent RM2 k to own 7 watches. That is a worthwhile spending on your part.
Don't worry much about depleting the reserve. The purchases were justified. The only setback was you had a down cycle immediately after that.
I am now completely happy wearing the CITIZEN SOLDIER VARIATION. I think I'll switch to the X FACTOR VARIATION.
Ah, wearing this variation makes me feel I had accomplished something significant in my life. I am in my own class. I turned on the flip light . They are so pleasant for the eyes. So what if I lose some battery life. That's a feature I can enjoy on the watches. When outside light is low the LED light will glow. It is a nice feature to have.
Unlike the Mudman, this feature only activates during low light. So with the Mudman I turned off all the light features. Most of the time, Mudman is a day watch. These two are mostly my watches at night. After all these are Tough Solars.
I love the 1 hour countdown timer before every alarm.
The Mudman is still my trusted companion. Should I lose all my watches (heaven forbid), I just settle with the Tactical and Mudman.
In the meantime I will enjoy every watch on daily basis. That way if anything ever happens to them, I have no regret.
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